Introducing Miss Tenley Victoria

Our pregnancy with Tenley had the makings of an action movie with the happily ever after ending. Our joy of finding out we were pregnant was sometimes overshadowed by fear especially after our previous pregnancy and loss. As that seemed to subside we were thrown with a curve ball when a work related fall and injury put us into preterm labor 7 months along. This resulted in a hospitalization, bed rest and weekly visits to labor and delivery triage for ongoing contractions/false labor and periods of high blood pressure. And, our "little" one wasn't so little measuring weeks ahead and running out of room. Quite active this little one was....always moving and swimming and dancing...wanting to come out and play. With an original due date of August 21st the realization this baby was coming early made itself load and clear. 

About 6am on August 2nd, 2013, I rolled out of bed to go to the bathroom. As I was standing up my water broke. In the moment though, I honestly thought I may have peed myself.....Justin sure did. He has a habit of crawling into bed with me in the early hours of the morning and witnessed this event stating, "Oh no mama, you had an accident!" He proceeded to tell me it was OK and accidents do happen. haha  As I slowly realized what was happening and that we were having a baby that day, the panic set it.

Due to my difficult pregnancy with Justin and emergency c-section, we had a c-section scheduled for Tenley also. I didn't have it written in the cards for my water to break or actually labor. Like I said, the panic set in and I wasn't sure what to do....The first person I called was Steven at work who I vaguely remember trying to act like he was calm, but he was clearly excited and as me, slightly panicked. The second person I called was my OB who laughed and assured me I had not wet myself and yes, I was having a baby that day. She told us to get ready and head over to the hospital. I then called my mom and Steven's mom. My mom and dad were coming to sit with Justin until we got situated at the hospital. I called Steven's mom so she could hit the road to make the trek from Fremont to Ann Arbor (in record time I am sure). As for Justin during all this, you would have thought he was a little adult. He was so helpful and excited and laughing at mom for peeing her pants lol 

As I waddled around the house packing my mom and Steven arrived. Poor Steven. He was ready and wanting to hit the road and head to the hospital asap. Me, not so much. I drove him crazy taking my time by showering, shaving head to toe, doing my hair and cleaning up the house. At this point I had definitely started laboring....something I didn't have to worry about with Justin. Honestly, I had NO contractions with Justin and with Tenley.....OMG! Ouch! We finally left for the hospital and were ready to make our family of three into a family of four!

Arriving at the hospital contractions were steady, painful and pretty close. Upon examination and only 2 hours after my water breaking they checked me and were shocked I was about 5 cm dilated. Everyone was in hyper speed prepping me and getting me into the OR for my c-section as my bp was elevated and this baby was really wanting to make her way out one way or another. 

A grin and bare it smile between contractions. Excited to meet our baby girl!

I was in shock to see how many staff members I had assigned to my case. With Justin it was very fast paced prep, and in the OR I went to get him out. With Tenley, we had a bit of prep time and my OB practice wasn't taking any chances with problems this time around. I had 2 IV sites, several units of blood put on hold, a NICU team in room and a slew of other ppl. It was a a bit overwhelming. Finally came the time to wheel down to the OR. 

I loved my anesthesiologist with Justin's birth. I didn't quite care for the one I had with Tenley's. While he seemed nice enough I didn't feel he had a warm and fuzzy disposition.....and he took forever getting my epidural in to the point I wanted to turn around and punch him. Granted, the contractions didn't help the matter. With Justin, I didn't feel anything. No tugging or pulling. Nothing. With Tenley, I felt all the tugging and pulling and it was super uncomfortable. The medication used made me feel like I could not breathe which set me in a panic. Thankfully, he was receptive to my choice words and let the meds flow to my comfort. Justin's procedure seemed like it didn't take long at all. And with Tenley, it felt like it was taking forever. I had quite a bit of scar tissue from my previous c-section so it took a bit longer. But FINALLY, I heard them say, "Here comes baby....It's a.....GIRL!" Of course, Steven and I knew she was a girl, but we chose to not tell anyone else we knew. Her first cry set off the water works and I sent Steven to tend to our little princess.....Tenley Victoria Hawes....

The moment she arrived and I saw her and touched her little hand and kissed her adorable cheeks I was in love. And, this may sound weird, but seeing Steven hold her it was as if I was watching him fall in love for the first time. Daddy's girl. And praise God, we didn't need that NICU team and she was able to meet me in recovery and I could finally snuggle my girl. The days that followed we survived the typical post c-section adventures and again, praise God that Tenley prevailed the battle of the blood sugars and a bit of jaundice.

So, there you have it. Our happily ever after. And after all of the challenges with all my pregnancies I would tell you I would do it all over again in a heart beat. And...we just might! A trilogy! To be continued..... ;)

Kindergarten Baby

When did my baby turn into this big boy?!

New Spiky Doo for Big Boy School!
 

It's hard to believe Justin's turning 5 y/o in a week and is off to kindergarten this Fall. AND, he's going to be a big brother in a matter of weeks! So many changes, so many memories.

While we live in Ypsilanti, we chose to apply to Ann Arbor School District as a School of Choice. Happily, Justin was accepted, and will be attending Mitchell Elementary. About a month ago we met with the principal and received a personal school tour. We also attended the end of the school year ice cream social, yum! Justin was a little nervous, but so excited. In addition, his little friend from preschool, Gabriel, will be joining him at Mitchell. I am sure this will be helpful to his adjustment.....but it's also helping mommy emotionally to know he'll have a little friend joining him.
http://mitchell.a2schools.org/mitchell.home/home

Last week, J had his pre-K doctor's appt last week and aced it. So brave, so smart! He's 40 lbs. and according to the doctor at the rate of his height and weight he'll be about 6 ft tall. He passed his hearing and vision tests, had his blood pressure taken, was able to identify his shapes, numbers, opposites, etc and was able to spell and write his name. He was so proud of of himself (and of course, mommy and daddy were too....In fact, mommy cried she was so proud-stupid pregnancy hormones, haha) And, at the end of his visit he was super excited to receive his special treat, a book! Out pediatrician's office is part of a reading program to which every child receives a book at their annual physical. Of course, he also gets to pick out stickers.

The Ever Growing Bump!

14 weeks

16 weeks

22 weeks

28 weeks

31 weeks

Baby Hawes II Update

Greetings Blog Followers-
Yet again, we have been awful at updates. We feel badly. With Justin's pregnancy I feel like we were blogging on a weekly basis. As much as we have tried, life as we know it hasn't been cooperative. I think the biggest difference has to be at the time of Justin's pregnancy it was just us and work. This time around we have Justin to occupy, work and grad school. Here I am making excuses though. In advance I apologize to my newest little angel if you feel deprived of your pregnancy journey!

From this point forward, we really have no excuses....On June 25th, (at 31 weeks) mama had a fall at work in the parking lot and I landed right on my belly. Immediately, I started having severe pain in my abdomen. With a little help from some co-workers, I went to L&D Triage right away. I was very uncomfortable, scared and worried about my little one. I began to have severe pain in my lower back and had extreme tightness in my abdomen. I was sweating and so uncomfortable I could not be still. The nurse came in noticing my changes and discomfort from the monitor, and when I asked what the heck was going on she gave me a chuckle. Little did I know, but here I was experiencing contractions....back to back to back and strong! Holy crap! I never experienced contractions with Justin as he was an emergency c-section and from what I recall I never experienced any pain like that with his pregnancy.

As funny as this is now to share, in the moment it was terrifying. Things began to progress and a lot of things began to happen. They began talking "worse case scenario" so several things happened....I was admitted to the hospital to manage my preeclampsia and high blood pressure, they also wanted to get these contractions and pre-term labor to stop and especially wanted to make sure my placenta didn't detach. In addition, they gave be 2 shots in me bum of betamethazone. This medication speeds up baby's lung development. And, when I asked why we would need to do this, the doctor said, "In case we need to deliver in the next few days."I was shocked and terrified. It was a bit to early for you to be joining us!! We also received a maternal fetal ultrasound where were learned you were measuring about 4-5 weeks ahead and you were already measuring about 5 pounds. 80th percentile for growth. Wonderful, another big baby haha Well, after several days of monitoring, some pain medication and lots of rest we were cleared to go home, yay! BUT, on bed rest, BOOOO!

Your mama is not one to just lay around let me tell you. Bed rest has been a challenge and completing the simplest tasks have been difficult. Even taking a shower winded me and caused me discomfort. I had internal bruising from the fall so this meant all of your little dancing in my womb caused a significant amount of pain.....But, let me tell you something little one....I would go through all the pain, be bed ridden for all 9 months, experience heartburn as a breathing dragon and go through hell and back if it meant you would be happy and healthy.....So, here we wait, and wait and wait....Doctor's say you will more than likely be early so we shall see! I'm trying to keep you in until after your brother's birthday. We would like to make sure he has a proper celebration, but we're prepping him of your early arrival just in case!

We did have an updated ultrasound on July 7th.....You're measuring about 36 weeks, 5 days and over 8 pounds and they say you have quite the head of hair. Oh my....I am so glad I don't have to push you out haha Again, time will tell when you will decide to make your appearance. If you make it to your due date you will be well over 10 pounds and it will look like we won't be needing any newborn sized diapers or clothing. :)

What else can I tell you little one.....Oh, my biggest craving right now is Coldstone's Mudpie Mojo. YUM! I can't get enough and neither can you as it seems. You do a little happy dance whenever I indulge. You also love music....and seem to tap to the beat and dance a jig. And, I am sure you are hating it, but all I can stand to do right now is naw on ice chips, which I understand I can contribute to my low iron, but man, all I do is chew on cup and cups of ice. And, I am sure you love how the cold makes you dance around. :)

Well, little person, time for a nap....your daddy and I cannot wait to meet you. We love you so much and have loved you since the moment we saw those double pink lines on the pregnancy test! Your big brother is soooo excited to meet you. I am sure you were him talking and singing to you. He can't wait to hold you and be your protector and teach you everything you need to know....except, he's already let us know, he doesn't really want to share his toys with you. We'll have to have a little chat and work up to that. Love you and see you soon!!!

Say Cheese With Those Pearly Whites!

Justin's 1st Visit to the Dentist:
After much anticipation and excitement (no joking!) Justin made his first visit to the dentist. We spent the week prior watching youtube videos, coloring pictures and playing dentist. His favorite youtube video happened to be Ed Visits the Dentist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IqMwZCLMTI So, if you are trying to get your kids excited about the dentist I highly recommend this video. By the time his appointment came along he was climbing the walls with excitement. Lord only knows I WISH I were ever as excited to see the dentist. haha! With that said, we have a great family practice we belong to. Dr. Donald Wurtzel and his wife along with his 2 children, Dr. Lindsey and Dr. Ben have taken care of our teeth for years. I think J has a little crush on his hygentist. She was so good with him and he was so brave while she cleaned his teeth! And, of course he was very proud to show Dr. Ben how clean his teeth were and helped Dr. Ben count his teeth. At the end of his visit, J was adorned with balloons, toys, and his little dental baggie with a new toothbrush, floss and toothpaste. The kid made out like a bandit. We're overjoyed how well it went and super proud of our big boy! Here are some photos from his adventure.

Catch Up, Catch All & An Annoucement

Our family has come a long way and has had many adventures since our last post in August.....I am very sad and disappointed we have failed to update the blog as often as we would like or should. Our life has been in a constant state of motion.....crazy work schedules, shift work, preschool events, playdate fun, extracirricular activities, travels, graduate school, etc. While it is wonderful to keep busy and enjoy life, it is truly important for me to document and capture those memories, photos and feelings so our family can look back later in life and smile, laugh, remember and know our home was full of love and life. With that said, here is my sad attempt to bring us all up to speed....

In our last post, August 2012, we sadly lost my grandmother, Patricia Beyersdorf. While her loss deeply saddened our family it created an opportunity for us to reconnect with some family. I firmly believe my grandma and God had a hand in that, to which I am truly thankful. I am a bit sad at the amount of loss Justin has had to endure for his young age, but I am in constant awe as to how he truly seems to have understanding and acceptance (as much as a 4 year old can). I love how he keeps the memories of those we've lost alive. He loves talking about his baby brother in heaven. He constantly reminds everyone he is still his big brother and he loves bringing him little gifts and trinkets to the cemetary. I love how he freely talks about his "Packer Grandma", asks questions and lets us know if he is feeling sad. He talks about Grandma and Ben in heaven together and that makes him happy. I take comfort in knowing we must be doing something right when handling these situations....at least I hope so.

September welcomed another semester of graduate school for me, but also Justin having to say good-bye to some of his special friends who were heading to kindergarten. This was pretty tough on Justin. It was difficult for him to understand why he couldn't go to kindergarten too. With that said, he bounced back and he is VERY excited and very ready for his turn this coming year. Justin is also pretty supportive and understanding of my continuing education....most of the time. :)

October was of course Halloween. Justin's obsession is currently superheros, Batman in particular. So, can you guess what he was for Halloween?

November.....ahhhhh, yes, November. :) We enjoyed a week long vacation tucked away at a beautiful secluded cabin a top a mountain in the Smokies of Tennessee. Steve's parents and brother Brian joined us and we made a million and one memories....I will get back to that one in particular later. ;) Justin went horseback riding in the mountains for the first time, got a coon skin cap, rode to the top of a mountain in a skylift, had a picnic in the mountains, saw a black bear in the wild....Grammy Hawes had her first spa day in her life with me.....Daddy was able relax and enjoy the National Park and made us a southern Thanksgiving of BBQ ribs....So many wonderful memories.....

Gearing up to ride Liberty for a hike.

 

It's a black bear, but we didn't want to get too close haha!

View from our back deck.

Faces only a mama can love ;)

A face everyone loves.

Photo Op on the back deck.

Silly boys.

Weeee, skylift!

Grammy and Mama enjoying some moonshine ;)

 

Coming off an adventurous Thanksgiving, we welcomed a low key Christmas. We had a wonderful weekend at our annual trip to Great Grandma "Necterines" house for Tokarski, Schrader and Hawes Christmas. We then spent the actual Christmas holiday in Ann Arbor. Nana and Papa Kapla joined us for Christmas Eve dinner and opening of gifts. Christmas Day was spent enjoying delicious meals, lounging all day in our pj's and watching the Disney Christmas parade and every brand new movie Justin received. Grammy and Grandpa visited us for several days around New Year's and New Year's Eve we all had dinner at Webers.

Remember I mentioned we made a million and one memories in Tennessee? Well, one little memory will be lasting a lifetime and be joining our family August 2013. We are very happy to announce there will be another Hawes blessing this world!!! We waited quite  bit of time to announce this considering our experience with Ben, but we are beyond the scary threshold and have had weekly ultrasounds providing us comfort and reassurance. Such a blessing....a beautiful blessing! Justin is beyond happy and excited. Kissing the belly, talking to the baby; he asks everyday if baby can come out! We should mention, we will NOT be finding out the sex of the baby so it will be a surprise to us all! As before, the goal will be to document our pregnancy and all the children's life on this blog. We are determined.

14 weeks

So we hope you will join us in our excitement and follow our adventures as we move forward. Blessings to you all!

It's So Hard To Say Good-Bye...

On July 28th, 2012, Justin's great-grandmother (Patricia Beyersdorf) AKA, "The Packer Grandma" lost her 6 year battle with lung cancer. As a mother, it's my duty to protect my child from pain and heartache. It's also my duty to educate and comfort. So, when grandma passed away (mind you on Justin's 4th birthday) I was besides myself trying to figure out what we were going to say to him, how to explain it and help him grieve (and get through his birthday party without being an emotional train wreck, which by the way I am proud to say I did keep it together.) But, as usual, I found my little guy with a wisdom beyond his years and he was the one to comfort ME.....

We waited until the following day to tell share grandma's passing. I was honest, yet brief. We told him grandma was very, very sick and the doctor's couldn't do anything to help her anymore. We then told him that grandma decided she wanted to go to heaven and be with baby Ben and Jesus. We asked if he had any questions and he said no....

He did fairly well with the loss of Ben, but with grandma we were sailing into unchartered territory, ie, a funeral home visitation, a funeral service, the burial. Now, I know many parents wouldn't agree to take a child to these types of venues, but I have to disagree for a few reasons....#1. I lost my 17 year old cousin to leukemia when I was 7 years old. We were very close. He was like my brother, my protector....At the time everyone thought it best to shield me from his death. I didn't go to the funeral and back in the day there really weren't any grief support programs for children like there are today. Today, I still feel a hole in my heart that I don't think will ever heal. I don't think I ever got to truly grieve his loss. #2. I work for a hospice. I'm surrounded by death everyday. It isn't all gloom and doom and it's taught me many valuable lessons on grief and children. I spoke to my colleague Jeff who is a MSW and a Bereavement Counselor in our office. He also happens to be a father to 2 young children. When I called him for advice he kind of chuckled and reminded me that I do this everyday and I knew what to do. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else.

So, I asked Justin if he wanted to go say good-bye to grandma. He said yes, so we explained this was going to be a little different than baby Ben's service. We told him we were going to go to a funeral home and this is a place where people (including us) might be sad (and it's ok to be sad), but people might also be laughing and telling stories about grandma. A lot of people were going to come visit us and give us hugs, kisses and shake our hands and tell us they are sorry we are sad. We said there would be lots of flowers....and a "big box" with grandma's picture on the top with more flowers. (Grandma requested a closed casket thankfully.) I did fib a little when we asked what was in the "box" though as I didn't think he would quite understand that part and I didn't want him to get scared. I said it was some of grandma's belongings and favorite things (partly true, right?). He did really well come time for the visitation. If anything he brought a little comic relief and lightened the somber tone, which I know grams would have wanted.

The next day would be the funeral and burial. We told him this was going to be like going to church, and a lot of people would be there to pray and say good-bye to grandma. Again, we said a lot of people would be crying and sad. He didn't really say much, but he was really well behaved I must say. I was so proud of him and he was so brave. At the burial he gave grandma a rose when the "box" was in the ground. He then blew her a kiss and sent her a balloon to heaven in true Justin fashion. (This was something special we did at Ben's service. It really brought a lot of comfort and peace to Justin.) When the balloon disappeared beyond the clouds he got the biggest smile on his face and said, "Look mom, it went to heaven!" Another proud moment for this mom....Again, Justin didn't say very much.

So at the beginning of the blog I mentioned that wisdom Justin has beyond his years....So, as I was crying and very upset, Justin crawled in my lap, cupped by chin with his hands and smiled. He looked right into my eyes and said, "Don't be sad mama, Gramma's in heaven with baby Ben and Jesus!" He pointed up and gave me a huge hug. Here I was trying to teach him and comfort him when all along he was the one who ended up comforting and reminding me of everything I was trying to teach him. In that moment with him, I really felt like my Gram was with us and giving Justin a little wisdom to bring me some comfort. The other comfort is that I truly believe Gram is with Ben and their tossing a football around and doing a little bowling and cloud jumping.

Whether you believe in heaven or not, I'm a big believe that heaven is what you make it.....