Sweets & Treats! Easter Weekend 2012

Happy Easter to one and all! Today we celebrate Jesus Christ and His rise from the dead. Because He lives, we can have eternal life! Such a joyous day to celebrate; Praise the Lord!

We also happen to welcome a furry little critter called the Easter Bunny. Justin woke up around 7:30am this morning and came running into our bedroom happily yelling and jumping up and down, "The Easter Bunny came to our house!" Holy cow! The bunny ate almost all the carrots and crackers we left him! AND it looks like Scouty dog might have been chasing the bunny around the house. A little piece of his cotton tail was caught in the door! Well, the morning was spent hunting around, finding all his goodies....and boy did Justin make out pretty good. Just goes to show, the Bunny is always watching out for good little girls and boys.  Roller skates, a kite, books, candy, treats, a Justin Verlander t-shirt, and pajamas are just a few things Mr. Bunny hid throughout the house.

Justin was super excited because his Grandma and Grandpa Hawes spent the weekend with us. We had our Easter dinner on Saturday evening because Grammy and Grandpa had to head home after Easter breakfast. We had a lot of fun with them this weekend. They were able to come and watch Justin's first swim class at Goldfish Swim School on Friday. Boy, were we all so proud of Justin; his teacher said he had natural talent!

 Waiting for class to begin!

 Justin and his instructor Larry.

Such a big boy!

On Saturday, we did some shopping and mommy bought daddy a new grill! Happy Easter Daddy! We had an unconvential Easter dinner planned so having the grill was pretty important. We had steaks, seafood pasta and mommy's trademark bacon and almond green beans with shallots. Yummmmmmy! It was great having everyone together! We enjoyed watching the Tiger's beat the Red Sox and cheered on Ferris State (daddy's alma mater) in the NCAA Championship hockey game versus Boston College. Sadly, Ferris came out a little short, but it was a good game and everyone still loves the Bulllldoggggs! Grammy bought Justin a daffodil plant so they took some time to plant in that afternoon. How fun!



Sunday, after treat hunting, we all went out for breakfast and had to say good-bye to Grammy and Grandpa. This always presents a bummed out little J. :( BUT he is excited to go on vacation and visit Grammy and Grandpa in a few weeks when mommy and daddy go on their Bahama vacation.

After a slew of hugs and kisses and good-byes mommy, daddy and Justin went to visit Baby Ben at Arbor Crest....(We usually go to church on Easter, but mommy was having a tough day and a little sad about missing Ben.) It was a beautiful day though. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and it was very peaceful. Justin brought Ben a candy filled Easter egg, blew him a kiss and told him he loved him. It really warmed our heart. And, when mommy was a little sad, Justin took my hand and smiled and told me "Don't be sad mama. We'll see him again." What a wise and gentle little guy for 3 1/2, but he is so right...

We spent the rest of the morning at the park where Justin was sporting his new roller skates and we were trying to teach him to fly his new kite. He did good with the skates, but we have a little practice before we master the kite judging by how much time it spent in the trees and on the ground. :)

The rest of the day will be spent lounging, relaxing, snuggling and watching some movies in our comfy clothes. This was pretty close to a perfect weekend. Although, every weekend is pretty much darn near perfect whenever we're together as a family!

Happy Easter from our family to yours. Peace to you on his wonderful day!

Love & Tattoos

We've been neglecting the blog....but we have good reason. It isn't easy balancing a full-time job, graduate school, family life, volunteering and just about everything else. It isn't we don't have anything to talk about, there is plenty. It's just finding the time to talk about it! Sigh, I know you can all relate, right?!

Well, today we're talking about love and tattoos. They go hand in hand, don't they?! Well, February hosts two very important holidays, Valentine's Day and Daddy's Birthday. For those who don't know me, I tend to be a bit of an overachiever in just about every aspect of my life. I suspect I am in some trouble in terms of Justin and future children. I'm totally that mom who probably annoys other moms with my never store bought baked goods, personalized goody bags and outrageous birthday parties. If that's the case, I'm sorry! Well, for Valentine's Day Justin and I decided (well, more like me haha) we would make everyone goodie bags and special valentines....and cupcakes. Grammy Hawes happened to be visiting that weekend so I put them to work stuffing treat bags. Thanks Grammy! As you can see, Justin had to sample each item before deeming it bag-worthy. :)

Daddy turned the big 3-1 this year and we had a lovely family weekend together. We had lunch at one of our favorite hot spots, Conor O'Neil's Irish Pub. I made a homemade, Carrot Cake at daddy's request and then in the evening we did something a little unconventional.....

It's almost been a year since our little angel Ben went to be with God and Steven really wanted to do something to keep his memory alive and remember him on this special day. Steven's been playing around and designing a tattoo for Ben for sometime and decided it would be a beautiful tribute if we made a family trip to our tattoo artist and get his tattoo. Ok, don't laugh, but the place we go is very family friendly. Justin hung out with the owner's son and watched Scooby Doo while daddy got all inked up. It was pretty emotional especially when I noticed Steven was holding Ben's ultraound picture.....Well, the end result was beautiful and I can talk about how great it is, but you can see it for yourself!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas....2011

Happy December and Merry Christmas to one and all! We may be lacking in snow and cooler temperatures, but we make up for it with the warmth and sense of the holiday season in our home. We've been busy little elves trekking out to get our tree, decorating the house, stringing the light and our favorite....baking cookies!



We did some serious baking this year and tried many new recipes, of course with most of the input and decisions coming from Justin. Here are the cookies we made this year: M&M Walnut Chip, Snickerdoodle, Oatmeal Walnut Cinnamon Chip, Rollout Decorated, Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Blossoms, and Justin's ultmate favorite....GINGERBREAD "HOCKEY" MEN.  We decorated an entire Redwings hockey team this year because Justin wanted "hockey guys".

Of course, after all those long hard days of working; relaxing is a must. Here are a few photos of the boys enjoying some hot cocoa and cookies by the tree while watching some cartoons.

Last weekend we went out to Cabela's to see Santa Claus...SO many people look at me funny and ask why we don't go to the mall. Well, parents, here is a little tip for you. Go to Cabela's! Unlike the mall there is typically no line to see Santa, the photo is FREE, you still get the candy cane AND you can get some extra Christmas shopping finished. Win-win for everyone and saving some sanity! Justin was REALLY excited about Santa but still a little apprehensive about going to him alone so we settled for a family photo which was really cute (soon to follow in future post). He asked Santa for a choo-choo....so time will tell! ;)

This past weekend we went to Three Rivers, MI to visit with Steven's mom's side of the family (Tokarski). It's an annual tradition we all gather and spend the weekend there. Lots of fun and family and of course, wine! ;) With a little downtime prior to the party we went to a local coffee shop and holy cow, who did we run into?! SANTA.....Since Justin got to tell Santa what he wanted the week prior he thought it was only fair that mama got to ask him for a few things as well. What I asked Santa for is a little secret, but here is a photo of me and Santa.....and his very creepy elf! Just don't ask....the elf AND Santa made me a little uncomfortable with a little butt pat! What would Mrs. Claus say?!

 Stay tuned as we will have more Christmas magic to share after we travel to Fremont this coming week for the continuation of Christmas 2011! Happy Holidays!

To Infinity and Beyond....

Tis the season for candy corn, apple orchards, jack o' lanterns and the crisp air of Autumn. It's a favorite time of year for our household and marks some pretty significant milestones for Justin. As I watched him today, I was in total awe of his newly found independence and understanding of the world around him. Here was my stubborn little guy who refused to wear the $30 dinosaur costume we bought for him and demanded to wear the slightly snug, oh so short legged Buzz Lightyear costume we received from a friend. I've learned he is just like me in that sense. Stubborn and determined. Yes, indeed he won as you can see.

I was talking with a friend of mine at work today about that sensation every mother has when their children do something remarkable. In her case, it was her 7 year old daughter or 10 year old son who are remarkable athletes and the joy and elation she feels watching them succeed. I had a sneak peek of those feelings today...

We've been working on potty training for months and he has been doing pretty good with bumps along the way, but the last few days we've made amazing strides. I picked him up from school today and he saw me pull up, ran into my arms with a giant smile and yelled, "Mama, I pooped in the toilet!" Sure enough he did. He had done it a few times here and there, but nothing consistent or at school for that matter. We got home and what to you know, he was a pooping machine, going again in the toilet! He was so proud of himself and of course we were too. Laugh if you must, but everytime he poops in the toilet I shed a little tear for joy and pride for my big boy. :)

This was the first year Justin truly grasped what Halloween was all about. Here he stood on the front porch excited, brave and eager to conquer the neighborhood on a candy coated adventure. I watched as he jumped for joy and flew up and down the sidewalk chanting, "To infinity and beyond!"

My heart broke a little when I went to take his hand and he said, "No, mama, I a big boy now." as he ran down our neighbors sidewalk and like a big boy rang the door bell, smiled and relayed the "Trick or treat" line we had been practicing for weeks. Politely without my asking he yelled "Thank you, Happy Halloween!" He retreated proudly showing me his reward and onto the next house we went. After an hour he stopped and said, "Time to go home, mama. I enough candy." That's when he took my hand and smiled and said, "You happy mama?!" Yes I told him...I was thrilled and proud, but slightly sad this little boy wasn't a baby anymore. I had that flash forward moment where I saw dropping him off to college. Sigh.

Cliche, yes, but they do grow up too fast. But, I can tell you I am going to enjoy every little moment I have...to infinity and beyond....

The Potty Training Zone

Without getting into too much detail the last few months have been difficult for Steven, Justin and I thus the blog hiatus. We apologize for the delay in posts but those of you close enough to know us know what has occurred. Thankfully we are at a point where we can look ahead to the future continue to live each day as a family full of happiness, hope and most importantly love. Justin has been quite the busy little guy this past summer. We had a wonderful vacation to Traverse City, quite a few adventures and of course, he is now the big 3! Soon enough I am hoping to get the photos all uploaded for you to enjoy.....

At this point and time Justin is conquering potty training. Potty training has proven to be quite the journey. As a mom you think sleepless nights, teaching them to walk and talk and socialize are a challenge, well you haven't been to the potty training zone! This has to be one of the most challenging things Steven and I have ever endured. It's a marathon so we need to pace ourselves. Of course, we thought it was going to be a piece of cake but boy did J prove us wrong. He is in complete control of the situation and running the show. It's really starting to click with him and he's doing a good job telling us and keeping his pants dry. We haven't quite prevailed on #2....but hey, like I said, it's a marathon. There is an end in sight, I can feel it! So, for all my mommy friends out there, have some faith....and lots of patience....extra underware and bribery treats/stickers. I've learned to laugh and just enjoy the memories. No use crying over slipped pee ;)

Memorial Day Weekend 2011

Sorry for the delay in posts. The past month has been very difficult for us, but we have begun to find peace and strength each and every day. We know Ben is with us and he is now in God's house cloud jumping and watching down on us. Our pastor said it perfectly, Ben is still with us, he just has a different address. We hold onto our faith knowing he is loved and we'll one day be together again. We would like to thank everyone for all of their love and support this past month and the continued support in the days ahead....

Well, this weekend was quite the whirlwind. It all started with all of our friends and family making the long trek to Ann Arbor for Ben's Memorial Service (which was absolutely beautiful). As bittersweet as it was, it was wonderful to have all the family together. Justin LOVED all of the attention and let's face it, he gets it all! Saturday evening we all gathered at the hotel reception area where we ate some pizza, enjoyed some beverages, played some pool, watched some baseball and went swimming in the pool. Might I add that mama is quite the pool shark! ;)

Sunday we got all 15 of us together for breakfast at Bob Evans and said our good-byes. (boo!) Justin's god-mother, Auntie Teresa (mommy's best friend) made the long trip from Wisconsin for the service and stayed the entire weekend. (yay!) It was a beautiful day so all of us went and walked around downtown A2 and through campus. We met up with our friend Laura and enjoyed a wonderful lunch at Grizzley Peak Brewing Co......for several hours. It doesn't sound like much but it was an amazing day and Justin loved walking through the diag and going for big boy walks, jumping in puddles.

Monday we said buh-bye to Auntie Teresa (boo!) but then went to Gallup Park (yay!) and had a lovely picnic that daddy prepared. We also rented a paddle boat. Justin got to sport his sponge bob square pants life vest. Despite the vest mama was quite paranoid about J-man falling in the water. Justin loved paddling under the bridges and people watching. We even saw a pair of swans with their babies! Afterward we went to the cemetary where "Ben sleeps". Grammy and Grandpa Hawes gave Justin a couple of American Flags before they left and Justin wanted to bring one to Ben along with 3 yellow roses. It was so cute and we love how he knows Ben is in heaven and likes to include him and talk about him. Later in the day while Justin was napping mommy and daddy enjoyed some beverages on the front porch swing and enjoyed the beautiful weather. We wrapped the day up with dinner on the Aubree's patio.

It's such a shame amazing weekends like this have to end, but at least we have lots to look forward to like our trip to Traverse City in less than 2 weeks! 10 whole days of family & fun! We cannot wait!!!!!

Enjoy some photos and a quick video from our wonderful weekend~

Gallup Park; enough said!


Laura and Mama


Mama & Auntie T-sa


Justin and mama (who apprently had a little attitude with the hip action lol)


Boys will be boys!


Family pic!


RIP Benjamin Chance Hawes; we miss you!


Justin leaving a gift for his brother. 0:)

In Memorium

Steven and I are deeply devastated to share the loss of our expecting baby. Our world was turned upside down April 28th, 2011, as we attended a routine ultrasound. Our doctor was unable to indicate a heartbeat and even called in a 2nd doctor for consult. It was unclear whether there was no heartbeat or if baby was just postured in a difficult position. We were immediately sent to the emergency room for a more thorough examination and after several hours of blood work and ultrasounds it was confirmed that baby was gone....

As I did not have a typical miscarriage and as I was so far along I will be having surgery on Tuesday. We will be attending a Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Memorial on Monday at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital and after my surgery the baby will be buried at the hospital memorial garden. We truly take comfort in having the ability to go somewhere and grieve and remember. That will be key to our healing.

In this very moment I am dying inside and feel as if my whole world has stopped. I'm angry to see people laughing and smiling and carrying on with their lives. It just isn't fair....I realize these are all irrational emotions but I can't help the anger. Am I angry with God? Yes. Do I believe God loves me and is loving our baby, yes. I've come to terms that God loves me and understands my anger. His shoulders are large enough to bare it all for me. It seems God needed my baby for something larger than we could understand but so did we and if that is selfish of me so be it.

We know the days and weeks and months ahead will be difficult but we turn to God, our family and our friends to carry us through it. It's all I can do to get through each day.

A message to our angel baby:
I loved you from the moment I knew you existed. I fantisized about whether you would be a beautiful baby boy/girl and if you would have my dark raven hair or your daddy's blonde hair. I wondered if you would have my outgoing spitfire personality or if you would be the laid back take it with ease type of person like your daddy. I had your nursery planned in my mind and I began to plan our families future to include a 4th little person. I started researching larger vehicles, daycare costs and even made a list of things we were going to need for your arrival. I thought about how lucky you were going to be to have an amazingly loving big brother who was going to want to teach you all about the world and protect you. Your big brother was so proud. The first time I saw your little heart beat I melted and I knew you were strong...It seems to us little one that God had bigger and better plans for you and that meant us never being able to be together. I have no doubt we will meet again and you will be shining down on us each day. I love you and I will think of you everyday and I am so excited for when you will someday meet me at heavens gates. That day will definately be joyous. I love you beautiful....and I know you are surrounded by all the love of the people that we have lost before you who are in heaven. I know you are well taken care of. Just know your mommy loves you and will keep you in her heart forever.
Until we meet again,
Mommy

To Justin, my big boy,
I know you do not fully understand what is happening right now and I am sorry you've had to see mommy cry. One day you will fully understand and you will understand how much YOUR love got me through this time. Your smile, your hugs, your love is what helps me survive. I am strong because of you and although the baby is in heaven you will always be a big brother to the baby. Do not ever forget this and don't ever forget how much me and your daddy love you.
Love Forever,
Mommy