Say Cheese With Those Pearly Whites!

Justin's 1st Visit to the Dentist:
After much anticipation and excitement (no joking!) Justin made his first visit to the dentist. We spent the week prior watching youtube videos, coloring pictures and playing dentist. His favorite youtube video happened to be Ed Visits the Dentist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IqMwZCLMTI So, if you are trying to get your kids excited about the dentist I highly recommend this video. By the time his appointment came along he was climbing the walls with excitement. Lord only knows I WISH I were ever as excited to see the dentist. haha! With that said, we have a great family practice we belong to. Dr. Donald Wurtzel and his wife along with his 2 children, Dr. Lindsey and Dr. Ben have taken care of our teeth for years. I think J has a little crush on his hygentist. She was so good with him and he was so brave while she cleaned his teeth! And, of course he was very proud to show Dr. Ben how clean his teeth were and helped Dr. Ben count his teeth. At the end of his visit, J was adorned with balloons, toys, and his little dental baggie with a new toothbrush, floss and toothpaste. The kid made out like a bandit. We're overjoyed how well it went and super proud of our big boy! Here are some photos from his adventure.

Catch Up, Catch All & An Annoucement

Our family has come a long way and has had many adventures since our last post in August.....I am very sad and disappointed we have failed to update the blog as often as we would like or should. Our life has been in a constant state of motion.....crazy work schedules, shift work, preschool events, playdate fun, extracirricular activities, travels, graduate school, etc. While it is wonderful to keep busy and enjoy life, it is truly important for me to document and capture those memories, photos and feelings so our family can look back later in life and smile, laugh, remember and know our home was full of love and life. With that said, here is my sad attempt to bring us all up to speed....

In our last post, August 2012, we sadly lost my grandmother, Patricia Beyersdorf. While her loss deeply saddened our family it created an opportunity for us to reconnect with some family. I firmly believe my grandma and God had a hand in that, to which I am truly thankful. I am a bit sad at the amount of loss Justin has had to endure for his young age, but I am in constant awe as to how he truly seems to have understanding and acceptance (as much as a 4 year old can). I love how he keeps the memories of those we've lost alive. He loves talking about his baby brother in heaven. He constantly reminds everyone he is still his big brother and he loves bringing him little gifts and trinkets to the cemetary. I love how he freely talks about his "Packer Grandma", asks questions and lets us know if he is feeling sad. He talks about Grandma and Ben in heaven together and that makes him happy. I take comfort in knowing we must be doing something right when handling these situations....at least I hope so.

September welcomed another semester of graduate school for me, but also Justin having to say good-bye to some of his special friends who were heading to kindergarten. This was pretty tough on Justin. It was difficult for him to understand why he couldn't go to kindergarten too. With that said, he bounced back and he is VERY excited and very ready for his turn this coming year. Justin is also pretty supportive and understanding of my continuing education....most of the time. :)

October was of course Halloween. Justin's obsession is currently superheros, Batman in particular. So, can you guess what he was for Halloween?

November.....ahhhhh, yes, November. :) We enjoyed a week long vacation tucked away at a beautiful secluded cabin a top a mountain in the Smokies of Tennessee. Steve's parents and brother Brian joined us and we made a million and one memories....I will get back to that one in particular later. ;) Justin went horseback riding in the mountains for the first time, got a coon skin cap, rode to the top of a mountain in a skylift, had a picnic in the mountains, saw a black bear in the wild....Grammy Hawes had her first spa day in her life with me.....Daddy was able relax and enjoy the National Park and made us a southern Thanksgiving of BBQ ribs....So many wonderful memories.....

Gearing up to ride Liberty for a hike.

 

It's a black bear, but we didn't want to get too close haha!

View from our back deck.

Faces only a mama can love ;)

A face everyone loves.

Photo Op on the back deck.

Silly boys.

Weeee, skylift!

Grammy and Mama enjoying some moonshine ;)

 

Coming off an adventurous Thanksgiving, we welcomed a low key Christmas. We had a wonderful weekend at our annual trip to Great Grandma "Necterines" house for Tokarski, Schrader and Hawes Christmas. We then spent the actual Christmas holiday in Ann Arbor. Nana and Papa Kapla joined us for Christmas Eve dinner and opening of gifts. Christmas Day was spent enjoying delicious meals, lounging all day in our pj's and watching the Disney Christmas parade and every brand new movie Justin received. Grammy and Grandpa visited us for several days around New Year's and New Year's Eve we all had dinner at Webers.

Remember I mentioned we made a million and one memories in Tennessee? Well, one little memory will be lasting a lifetime and be joining our family August 2013. We are very happy to announce there will be another Hawes blessing this world!!! We waited quite  bit of time to announce this considering our experience with Ben, but we are beyond the scary threshold and have had weekly ultrasounds providing us comfort and reassurance. Such a blessing....a beautiful blessing! Justin is beyond happy and excited. Kissing the belly, talking to the baby; he asks everyday if baby can come out! We should mention, we will NOT be finding out the sex of the baby so it will be a surprise to us all! As before, the goal will be to document our pregnancy and all the children's life on this blog. We are determined.

14 weeks

So we hope you will join us in our excitement and follow our adventures as we move forward. Blessings to you all!

It's So Hard To Say Good-Bye...

On July 28th, 2012, Justin's great-grandmother (Patricia Beyersdorf) AKA, "The Packer Grandma" lost her 6 year battle with lung cancer. As a mother, it's my duty to protect my child from pain and heartache. It's also my duty to educate and comfort. So, when grandma passed away (mind you on Justin's 4th birthday) I was besides myself trying to figure out what we were going to say to him, how to explain it and help him grieve (and get through his birthday party without being an emotional train wreck, which by the way I am proud to say I did keep it together.) But, as usual, I found my little guy with a wisdom beyond his years and he was the one to comfort ME.....

We waited until the following day to tell share grandma's passing. I was honest, yet brief. We told him grandma was very, very sick and the doctor's couldn't do anything to help her anymore. We then told him that grandma decided she wanted to go to heaven and be with baby Ben and Jesus. We asked if he had any questions and he said no....

He did fairly well with the loss of Ben, but with grandma we were sailing into unchartered territory, ie, a funeral home visitation, a funeral service, the burial. Now, I know many parents wouldn't agree to take a child to these types of venues, but I have to disagree for a few reasons....#1. I lost my 17 year old cousin to leukemia when I was 7 years old. We were very close. He was like my brother, my protector....At the time everyone thought it best to shield me from his death. I didn't go to the funeral and back in the day there really weren't any grief support programs for children like there are today. Today, I still feel a hole in my heart that I don't think will ever heal. I don't think I ever got to truly grieve his loss. #2. I work for a hospice. I'm surrounded by death everyday. It isn't all gloom and doom and it's taught me many valuable lessons on grief and children. I spoke to my colleague Jeff who is a MSW and a Bereavement Counselor in our office. He also happens to be a father to 2 young children. When I called him for advice he kind of chuckled and reminded me that I do this everyday and I knew what to do. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else.

So, I asked Justin if he wanted to go say good-bye to grandma. He said yes, so we explained this was going to be a little different than baby Ben's service. We told him we were going to go to a funeral home and this is a place where people (including us) might be sad (and it's ok to be sad), but people might also be laughing and telling stories about grandma. A lot of people were going to come visit us and give us hugs, kisses and shake our hands and tell us they are sorry we are sad. We said there would be lots of flowers....and a "big box" with grandma's picture on the top with more flowers. (Grandma requested a closed casket thankfully.) I did fib a little when we asked what was in the "box" though as I didn't think he would quite understand that part and I didn't want him to get scared. I said it was some of grandma's belongings and favorite things (partly true, right?). He did really well come time for the visitation. If anything he brought a little comic relief and lightened the somber tone, which I know grams would have wanted.

The next day would be the funeral and burial. We told him this was going to be like going to church, and a lot of people would be there to pray and say good-bye to grandma. Again, we said a lot of people would be crying and sad. He didn't really say much, but he was really well behaved I must say. I was so proud of him and he was so brave. At the burial he gave grandma a rose when the "box" was in the ground. He then blew her a kiss and sent her a balloon to heaven in true Justin fashion. (This was something special we did at Ben's service. It really brought a lot of comfort and peace to Justin.) When the balloon disappeared beyond the clouds he got the biggest smile on his face and said, "Look mom, it went to heaven!" Another proud moment for this mom....Again, Justin didn't say very much.

So at the beginning of the blog I mentioned that wisdom Justin has beyond his years....So, as I was crying and very upset, Justin crawled in my lap, cupped by chin with his hands and smiled. He looked right into my eyes and said, "Don't be sad mama, Gramma's in heaven with baby Ben and Jesus!" He pointed up and gave me a huge hug. Here I was trying to teach him and comfort him when all along he was the one who ended up comforting and reminding me of everything I was trying to teach him. In that moment with him, I really felt like my Gram was with us and giving Justin a little wisdom to bring me some comfort. The other comfort is that I truly believe Gram is with Ben and their tossing a football around and doing a little bowling and cloud jumping.

Whether you believe in heaven or not, I'm a big believe that heaven is what you make it.....

Birthday Blessings: 4th Birthday

Finding time to keep up with this blog has been more than challenging, but today is a very special and a day that cannot be ignored or put off for another day...4 years ago today, God blessed me in the most amazing way. For this is the day we welcomed our beautiful baby boy, Justin Alexander Hawes. His personality completely matches how he came into this world; fast, furious and on his own terms. Strong, determined, stubborn and an absolute joy.

Looking back through the blog, I realize I've never completely shared the story of Justin's birth....so without further delay, let's take a step back in time.....

Justin's initial due date was August 19th 2008, but by mid July it was clear we probably wouldn't be making it to that point. He was measuring more than 10 pounds and mom was incredibly uncomfortable with toxemia, water retention, and borderline gestational diabetes. Mom was put on bed rest for the most part and spent her final weeks plopped in Dad's leather chair with her feet propped up. Beyond uncomfortable, feeling trapped and not getting much sleep, Mom welcomed a visit from Grammy and Grandpa Hawes. It was the weekend of July 25th. Mom was in her usual position and her only solice was it was Tiger's baseball season. :) The visit from your grandparents took my mind off of all my discomfort. That Sunday, July 27th they headed back to Fremont. After they left, Dad took his normal nap before working that evening. Mom had a craving for some Fruit Loops, so as she indulged she noticed she was feeling really funny; light headed, dizzy and having sharp pains in her back and chest.

Mom called Dr. Archer who told her to head over to the hospital to get checked out. Nana Kapla took Mom and as the nurses hooked Mom up to the blood pressure monitor it was clear something was wrong. Mom was dangerously close to having a stroke and after several attempts to control the blood pressure the doctor's came in and said baby Justin would be making his grand entrance via emergency cesarian section asap. And baby Justin wasn't taking well to Mom's blood pressure problems. Unfortunately, the earlier bowl of fruit loops came back to haunt Mom.  The doctor's wanted to try and keep Mom stable enough to allow the Fruit Loops to pass for a safer anethesia process. Thank those fruit loops, your bday could have been the 27th! ;)

And so the waiting game began. Up until that point everything was happening so fast. The doctor's really wanted Mom to remain calm. The words Mom and calm don't really go hand in hand. Mom's one of the most anxious people you will meet. To stay occuppied, we called Dad and told him to get his butt to the hospital and brought him up to speed on all the concerns. I am sure that wasn't exactly how Dad wanted to have his wake up call! En route, Dad called Grammy and Grandpa Hawes...who had just got back to Fremont and settled in. In fact, we think Grammy said she was watching Wizard of Oz (her favorite movie). Well, they had just enough time to wrap up their load of laundry and hit the road back to Ann Arbor. There was NO way they were going to miss your grand entrance!

Dad got to the hospital and then came the longest, most uncomfortable 4 hours of our lives. Finally, the doctor's and nurses came in, hooked Mom up to an IV. The next thing we knew Dr. Archer was coming in to provide us some comfort and Dad was walking out of the bathroom wearing some scrubs. Before we knew it Dad kissed Mom on the forehead, squeezed her had and told her he loved her....Being rolled into the OR was one of the most terrifying, lonely moments of her life.

The OR was cold and bright. All of the nurses and techs and the anethesiologist were so wonderful and caring, but Mom still felt so scared and alone. She just really wanted Dad by her side. The 2nd scariest moment for Mom was having to receive the epideral. Really, who enjoys having needles stuck into their spine?! It seemed like it took forever as Mom curled into that little ball and one of the nurses held her. That's when the emotion of everything began and Mom started crying.....She was scared and worried and all she wanted was baby Justin to be out, safe and healthy. All she wanted was to hear his cry....Tears streaming down her face, completely numb and paralyzed, she was finally prepped and such joy came over her as Dad was finally allowed to come in. The entire experience was so surreal. Happiness, joy, fear, vulerable...you name it Mom felt it.

Then, the tugging occurred. No pain, just pressure and the then....the sudden urge to barf. The anethesiologist had Mom's back immediately and pumped her full of meds which quickly made that urge pass (God love em!). Then, the moment we had been waiting for for months....your cry....the most beautiful sound in the world. That cry could have opened the gates of Heaven. All Mom kept saying is, "Is he ok? Is he ok?" Everyone assured Mom he was ok. Mom had tears streaming down her face with joy. Dad kissed her and Mom told him to go be with our blessed angel. Mom was able to look at your absolutely perfect face very briefly, then someone gently said they would be taking you (all 9 pounds 15 ounces of you) to the NICU. Mom really should have been panicing, but there were some complications with Mom....Poor Dad didn't know what to do or where to go. Mom told him to be with you. Once they left, Mom was left with the doctor's to work on her. Not a lot was being said, but some of the things Mom overheard were, "We've got to get this bleeding to stop.....We're going to need several units." Oddly enough, Mom was calm....it may have been the medication, or the loss of blood, but Mom firmly believes God was with her, comforting her. And as completely odd as it is to share this, Mom was at complete peace with whatever the outcome was. Something told her whatever happened would happen and she was at peace with that. Thankfully, with God's grace, the doctor's were able to get the bleeding under control and Mom was rolled into recovery.

Mom was high as a kite, babbling nonsensical things. She is sure she was comic relief for the recovery staff. :) Soon enough she was able to see all your grandparents, who surely enjoyed the comedic show that you know as your mom. But, it wasn't all laughs.....between the babbling were many, many tears. No one would tell her what was going on with you. Finally, Dad came to see me and shared some news with me. He shared you had some problems breathing on your own, but you were strong and a fighter. Being wheeled out from recovery Mom demanded to see you and hold you. Thankfully, no one argued (so help them if they tried haha). Dad warned Mom you would be hooked up to a lot of tubes and wires....So there you were. Yes, the wires and tubes were noticed, but what Mom saw was a perfect little miracle. The moment Mommy held you, was a moment that was frozen in time. It was me and you and nothing else in the world mattered. It was at that moment Mom truly understood the meaning of a Mother's Love.....

The days that followed were a blur and filled with tears and joy. Mom knew you were getting amazing care and she visited you everyday in the NICU. But, shortly after 2 days the doctor's became concerned with Mom. Her blood levels weren't doing so good. Mom was weak and very sick. Several days and several units of blood later Mom was on the upswing....and so you were! The NICU staff called you Baby Brutus because you were the biggest baby they had ever seen in the NICU and you finally were healthy enough to join me in my room. Finally, our family was complete. We had a lot of  visitors...a lot of love and a lot of blessings. FINALLY, 5 days after you were born we were both given the thumbs up to go home. Yay!

Here we are 4 years later.....It seems just like yesterday, but here you are before me growing into a big boy. I can't wait to see the boy and man you become. I know you are destined for something big in life. Although, I am sure a lot of Mom's believe this about their children, but know I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you have everything and anything you need in life to succeed and follow your dreams. The sky is the limit my love. You CAN do and you CAN achieve whatever you want. Mom and Dad love you, support you and believe in you. You give us a reason to believe and we believe in YOU.....Happy Birthday my darling. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness and love, your Mommy....

Sweets & Treats! Easter Weekend 2012

Happy Easter to one and all! Today we celebrate Jesus Christ and His rise from the dead. Because He lives, we can have eternal life! Such a joyous day to celebrate; Praise the Lord!

We also happen to welcome a furry little critter called the Easter Bunny. Justin woke up around 7:30am this morning and came running into our bedroom happily yelling and jumping up and down, "The Easter Bunny came to our house!" Holy cow! The bunny ate almost all the carrots and crackers we left him! AND it looks like Scouty dog might have been chasing the bunny around the house. A little piece of his cotton tail was caught in the door! Well, the morning was spent hunting around, finding all his goodies....and boy did Justin make out pretty good. Just goes to show, the Bunny is always watching out for good little girls and boys.  Roller skates, a kite, books, candy, treats, a Justin Verlander t-shirt, and pajamas are just a few things Mr. Bunny hid throughout the house.

Justin was super excited because his Grandma and Grandpa Hawes spent the weekend with us. We had our Easter dinner on Saturday evening because Grammy and Grandpa had to head home after Easter breakfast. We had a lot of fun with them this weekend. They were able to come and watch Justin's first swim class at Goldfish Swim School on Friday. Boy, were we all so proud of Justin; his teacher said he had natural talent!

 Waiting for class to begin!

 Justin and his instructor Larry.

Such a big boy!

On Saturday, we did some shopping and mommy bought daddy a new grill! Happy Easter Daddy! We had an unconvential Easter dinner planned so having the grill was pretty important. We had steaks, seafood pasta and mommy's trademark bacon and almond green beans with shallots. Yummmmmmy! It was great having everyone together! We enjoyed watching the Tiger's beat the Red Sox and cheered on Ferris State (daddy's alma mater) in the NCAA Championship hockey game versus Boston College. Sadly, Ferris came out a little short, but it was a good game and everyone still loves the Bulllldoggggs! Grammy bought Justin a daffodil plant so they took some time to plant in that afternoon. How fun!



Sunday, after treat hunting, we all went out for breakfast and had to say good-bye to Grammy and Grandpa. This always presents a bummed out little J. :( BUT he is excited to go on vacation and visit Grammy and Grandpa in a few weeks when mommy and daddy go on their Bahama vacation.

After a slew of hugs and kisses and good-byes mommy, daddy and Justin went to visit Baby Ben at Arbor Crest....(We usually go to church on Easter, but mommy was having a tough day and a little sad about missing Ben.) It was a beautiful day though. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and it was very peaceful. Justin brought Ben a candy filled Easter egg, blew him a kiss and told him he loved him. It really warmed our heart. And, when mommy was a little sad, Justin took my hand and smiled and told me "Don't be sad mama. We'll see him again." What a wise and gentle little guy for 3 1/2, but he is so right...

We spent the rest of the morning at the park where Justin was sporting his new roller skates and we were trying to teach him to fly his new kite. He did good with the skates, but we have a little practice before we master the kite judging by how much time it spent in the trees and on the ground. :)

The rest of the day will be spent lounging, relaxing, snuggling and watching some movies in our comfy clothes. This was pretty close to a perfect weekend. Although, every weekend is pretty much darn near perfect whenever we're together as a family!

Happy Easter from our family to yours. Peace to you on his wonderful day!

Love & Tattoos

We've been neglecting the blog....but we have good reason. It isn't easy balancing a full-time job, graduate school, family life, volunteering and just about everything else. It isn't we don't have anything to talk about, there is plenty. It's just finding the time to talk about it! Sigh, I know you can all relate, right?!

Well, today we're talking about love and tattoos. They go hand in hand, don't they?! Well, February hosts two very important holidays, Valentine's Day and Daddy's Birthday. For those who don't know me, I tend to be a bit of an overachiever in just about every aspect of my life. I suspect I am in some trouble in terms of Justin and future children. I'm totally that mom who probably annoys other moms with my never store bought baked goods, personalized goody bags and outrageous birthday parties. If that's the case, I'm sorry! Well, for Valentine's Day Justin and I decided (well, more like me haha) we would make everyone goodie bags and special valentines....and cupcakes. Grammy Hawes happened to be visiting that weekend so I put them to work stuffing treat bags. Thanks Grammy! As you can see, Justin had to sample each item before deeming it bag-worthy. :)

Daddy turned the big 3-1 this year and we had a lovely family weekend together. We had lunch at one of our favorite hot spots, Conor O'Neil's Irish Pub. I made a homemade, Carrot Cake at daddy's request and then in the evening we did something a little unconventional.....

It's almost been a year since our little angel Ben went to be with God and Steven really wanted to do something to keep his memory alive and remember him on this special day. Steven's been playing around and designing a tattoo for Ben for sometime and decided it would be a beautiful tribute if we made a family trip to our tattoo artist and get his tattoo. Ok, don't laugh, but the place we go is very family friendly. Justin hung out with the owner's son and watched Scooby Doo while daddy got all inked up. It was pretty emotional especially when I noticed Steven was holding Ben's ultraound picture.....Well, the end result was beautiful and I can talk about how great it is, but you can see it for yourself!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas....2011

Happy December and Merry Christmas to one and all! We may be lacking in snow and cooler temperatures, but we make up for it with the warmth and sense of the holiday season in our home. We've been busy little elves trekking out to get our tree, decorating the house, stringing the light and our favorite....baking cookies!



We did some serious baking this year and tried many new recipes, of course with most of the input and decisions coming from Justin. Here are the cookies we made this year: M&M Walnut Chip, Snickerdoodle, Oatmeal Walnut Cinnamon Chip, Rollout Decorated, Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Blossoms, and Justin's ultmate favorite....GINGERBREAD "HOCKEY" MEN.  We decorated an entire Redwings hockey team this year because Justin wanted "hockey guys".

Of course, after all those long hard days of working; relaxing is a must. Here are a few photos of the boys enjoying some hot cocoa and cookies by the tree while watching some cartoons.

Last weekend we went out to Cabela's to see Santa Claus...SO many people look at me funny and ask why we don't go to the mall. Well, parents, here is a little tip for you. Go to Cabela's! Unlike the mall there is typically no line to see Santa, the photo is FREE, you still get the candy cane AND you can get some extra Christmas shopping finished. Win-win for everyone and saving some sanity! Justin was REALLY excited about Santa but still a little apprehensive about going to him alone so we settled for a family photo which was really cute (soon to follow in future post). He asked Santa for a choo-choo....so time will tell! ;)

This past weekend we went to Three Rivers, MI to visit with Steven's mom's side of the family (Tokarski). It's an annual tradition we all gather and spend the weekend there. Lots of fun and family and of course, wine! ;) With a little downtime prior to the party we went to a local coffee shop and holy cow, who did we run into?! SANTA.....Since Justin got to tell Santa what he wanted the week prior he thought it was only fair that mama got to ask him for a few things as well. What I asked Santa for is a little secret, but here is a photo of me and Santa.....and his very creepy elf! Just don't ask....the elf AND Santa made me a little uncomfortable with a little butt pat! What would Mrs. Claus say?!

 Stay tuned as we will have more Christmas magic to share after we travel to Fremont this coming week for the continuation of Christmas 2011! Happy Holidays!